Í skólanum
Ég er að gera ritgerð - og held fyrirlestur um kenningar Albert Ellis. Hann þróaði REBT kenningu sem örugglega einhverjir kannast við - hugræn atferlismeðferð. Mér finnst margt til í þessu og ákvað að birta hérna svoldið sem ég fann.
Mér finnst svo frábært að sjá leiðir þar sem við getum kennt okkur sjálfum að hugsa öðruvísi og þetta er svo rökrétt og skynsamlegt. Minna verið að tala um æsku og hvað gerðist í fortíðinni og einblínt frekar á framtíðina. Í dag held ég að ungt fólk og fólk á mínum aldri hafi margir mjög óraunhæfar væntingar - bæði til sjálfs síns og annara. Við ætlum öll að vera fullkomin, frábærir makar, hrikalega góðir námsmenn, æðislega góðir starfsmenn, með risa hús, bíl, snillinga sem börn... og svo framvegis. Held það væri mörgum hollt að staldra aðeins við og skoða þessi mál og horfa raunsæjum augum á sjálfan sig og lífið.
Hér er góð útskýring á kenningu Ellis: http://www.rebt.ws/REBT%20explained.htm
og þaðan tók ég þetta: (fyrst eru algengar niðurrifshugsanir og svo kemur raunhæfar hugsanir á eftir.
12 Self-defeating Beliefs
12 Rational Beliefs1. I need love and approval from those
significant to me - and I must avoid
disapproval from any source.
1.
Love and approval are good things to
have, and I'll seek them when I can. But
they are not necessities - I can survive
(even though uncomfortably)
without them.2. To be worthwhile as a person I must
achieve, succeed at what ever I do, and
make no mistakes.
2.
I'll always seek to achieve as much as I
can - but unfailing success and
ompetence is unrealistic. Better I just
accept myself as a person, separate to my
performance.3. People should always do the right thing.
When they behave obnoxiously, unfairly
or selfishly, they must be blamed and
punished.
3.
It's unfortunate that people sometimes do
bad things. But humans are not yet
perfect - and upsetting myself won't
change that reality.4. Things must be the way I want them to
be - otherwise life will be intolerable.
4.
There is no law which says that things
have to be the way I want. It's
disappointing, but I can stand it -
especially if I avoid catastrophising.5. My unhappiness is caused by things
outside my control - so there is little I can
do to feel any better.
5.
Many external factors are outside my
control. But it is my thoughts (not the
externals) which cause my feelings. And I
can learn to control my thoughts.6. I must worry about things that could be
dangerous, unpleasant or frightening -
otherwise they might happen.
6.
Worrying about things that might go
wrong won't stop them happening. It will,
though, ensure I get upset and disturbed
right now!7. I can be happier by avoiding life's
difficulties, unpleasantness, and
responsibilities.
7.
Avoiding problems is only easier in the
short term - putting things off can make
them worse later on. It also gives me more
time to worry about them!8. Everyone needs to depend on someone
stronger than themselves.
8.
Relying on someone else can lead to
dependent behaviour. It is OK to seek
help - as long as I learn to trust myself and
my own judgement.9. Events in my past are the cause of my
problems - and they continue to influence
my feelings and behaviours now.
9.
The past can't influence me now. My
current beliefs cause my reactions. I may
have learned these beliefs in the past,
but can choose to analyse and change
them in the present.10. I should become upset when other people
have problems and feel unhappy when
they're sad.
10.
I can't change other people's problems
and bad feelings by getting myself upset.11. I should not have to feel discomfort and
pain - I can't stand them and must avoid
them at all costs.
11.
Why should I in particular not feel
discomfort and pain? I don't like them,
but I can stand it. Also, my life would be
very restricted if I always avoided
discomfort.
12. Every problem should have an ideal
solution, and it is intolerable when one
can't be found.
12.
Problems usually have many possible
solutions. It is better to stop waiting for
the perfect one and get on with the best
available. I can live with less than the
ideal.